NEW YORK - Today Hasbro Toys announced a new line of GI-Joe "action" figures to commemorate Americaís truly forgotten war heroes: port-of-call prostitutes. Devised to counter the recent criticism that Hasbroís GI Joe line lacked positive female role models, their new "GI-Ho" dolls will immortalize those brave, loose women who helped prop up U.S. interests abroad by going down on our soldiers.

The line starts off in World War I, with Brigitte, the lusty French whore who performs amazing tricks with day-old baguettes and has a case of the clap that reads at a fourth-grade level. In World War II, Joe can waltz with Vera Lynn the sluty English dance-hall whore who can give a lap dance even while youíre standing up. And in Vietnam, let olíJoe have a back-door visit with Mihu Su Horny, the Vietnamese geisha girl whoíll profess to "love you long time" when you pull the string on her back.

All GI-Ho's come with their own detachable venereal diseases, pre-recordings of them saying "$5 blow-job" in their native broken English and they come equipped with a patented, anatomically-correct "Kegel Grip"ô. 

The Hasbro press release states; "Girls and Boys alike will delight in the intricate game of love and commerce between these plucky, foreign street girls and our brave and horny fighting men. The petty negotiations, the sweaty grappling in a Hanoi back alley, the embarrassed reunion when she shows up five years later on Joe's Iowa doorstep, with a green card and a familiar looking round-eyed child: It's all good."

If all goes well, Hasbro plans to expand the line later this year, to include "GI Pimp" dolls, a "GI John" male prostitute and a collection of evil German hookers modeled after Hitlerís Joy Division.